Apr29

Updates!

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We finally had our home visit with our social worker this past Saturday!  It went really well and I’m relieved to have that part completed.  When we first started this process, the plan was to complete all the paperwork as quickly as possible.  Things changed a bit when I found out I was pregnant at the beginning of this year.  It’s exciting / overwhelming / crazy / amazing to be planning for two babies at once.  The revised plan is to get Baby #1 ( a boy) birthed in August, and then Baby #2 will join us in late 2014 or early 2015.  We’ll have to update our home study after #1 is born, and again after we move in May / June of next year, when ND gets his residency assignment.   There are lots of changes coming our way!

One of the reasons we decided to work with our placement agency is because of their policies regarding pregnancy.  As I’ve mentioned, once we send our completed dossier to Ethiopia, and get on the waiting list, we’ll continue to move up the list, even while our status is “inactive”, due to me being pregnant or having a newborn at home.  We want the arrival of each of our children to be different and special, and I think having them at least a year apart gives us a better chance of achieving that goal.  We do have to make one change to our paperwork now, because our apartment only has two bedrooms.  The state of California does not allow two children of opposite sexes to share a bedroom, so for now, our paperwork will say that we’re adopting a boy.  We will be amending that later, to reflect our desire to have a little girl.

So what happens now?  We have a few things to complete on our end before our home study can be completed.  I need to take an infant CPR class, and we both need to complete an online course on Hague compliance.   (Ethiopia is not a Hague country, but all adoptive parents are still required to take this class)  After that, we submit our I-600A and home study to USCIS (U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services) for approval.  Then, we get fingerprinted… again.  After receiving USCIS approval, we can submit all remaining forms (our dossier) to our placement agency in Utah.  I am hoping to have a spot on the waiting list by June, but that might be overly optimistic.  Realistically, I’ll be satisfied if we’re on the list by the time #1 is born.

If you’re thinking, ‘Man, all of this paperwork, these appointments, this bureaucracy!  That can’t be fun’, you’d be correct.  It’s time-consuming, and sometimes frustrating.   But these are the rules, and this is how it’s done.  I choose to believe that this system is in place to protect orphans from trafficking and exploitation.  You have to *really* want to do this, it’s not for the faint of heart.  And I’m 100% sure that it’s worth it.  It’s so exciting to think of our two children together.  A big brother and a little sister.  Each coming in their own time, just as it should be.

Jan23

What We’ve Been Up To

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Long time, no blog!  ND and I had a very fun and busy (and a bit stressful) holiday season.   Lots of eating and drinking and family togetherness :)   We took a vacation to Mexico over the actual Christmas holiday, and came back to California right after New Years.  Mexico is one of our favorite vacation spots, and it was awesome to escape the chilly weather we’ve been having here.  It also gave us some time to escape and just enjoy being together, without having to think about, well, anything really.  We came back relaxed and refreshed and ready to finish up the rest of our dossier and home study prep work.

Since we’ve been back, we’ve been working diligently on all our paperwork.  Fingerprints, doctor’s appointments, medical tests, clearance letters, books, articles, you name it.  We are almost finished with our part of all that, and we have our home visit with our social worker next Saturday, February 2nd!  After that, we get ready to wait.  I’ve never been so excited to be put on a waiting list in my life.  It will be so cool to get that e-mail that tells us our first official number.  From there, we will have a better idea of how long the wait will be until we get our referral.

Aside from paperwork and appointments, we’ve also gotten to share our adoption news with some family and friends.  That’s been really fun for us, and having the support of our own little community has been invaluable.  Of course, with big announcements like this one, many questions are sure to follow!   Every mother or mother-to-be loves to talk about her child, so I’m more than happy to answer anything that people are curious about.  I thought I’d share a few of those questions here, a sort of FAQ, if you will.

- “This may sound weird, but how will you know what to do with her hair?”

I love this one, because it’s just so sweet.  There are plenty of resources out there for transracial adoptive parents, including books and websites about skin and hair care!  I’m not super creative in the hair department anyway, so I figure I’d be spending lots of time watching instructional YouTube videos on how to french braid, regardless of the race of my child.  This is another area where the existing adoption community comes in pretty handy.  We are not the first white parents to adopt a black child, and many moms before me have had to figure this out – so we’ll ask them!   A fun milestone for lots of little girls is getting their hair braided for the first time.  Luckily we live in a very diverse area, and there are many salons near us that can help us if I find my own skills to be lacking :)

- “Are you going to move?”

No.  We have a 2 bedroom apartment.  We currently use the second room as more of a place for ND to study, but now that he’s spending more time in the hospitals than in the classroom, it will be easy to transition it into a nursery.  (I am especially excited about this, because it means we’ll get to sell or store the monstrosity of a desk that’s in there now.  Ick.)   At some point after ND is assigned a residency, we’ll buy a home, but that’s really not on our radar at this point.

- “How did your family react?”

My parents and sister are over the moon excited.  My sister even wants to come with us to Ethiopia!  (Not happening, but it’s a very sweet sentiment)  This will be the first grandchild for my parents, so it’s extra special for them.  I talked to my dad while we were in Mexico, and he shared a dream he’d had about playing on the floor with his little granddaughter.  Heart. Melted.  I have talked about adoption since I was at least in high school (maybe earlier) so they weren’t super shocked about our announcement, but I think there is an element of surprise involved with the announcement of any new family member.   As I mentioned, we’ve also shared our news with some friends.  (We are waiting until our dossier has been sent to Ethiopia before going totally public)   It’s so exciting to see them so excited.   My favorite reaction from people when we tell them we’re adopting is “Of course you are.”.  It’s like they know, as we do, that this was meant to be.

- “What happens if you get pregnant? / Will you still adopt?”

The first part of this question is pretty straightforward and doesn’t bother me.  Part of the reason we picked our placement agency is because of their relaxed policies regarding pregnancy.  Basically what happens is this: our case remains active until I reach the point in a pregnancy where I can no longer travel, around 25 weeks.  Then, we go on “hold”, but get to remain on the waiting list, and even move up the list, until we reach number one.  After the hypothetical baby is born, it will be up to us to decide when to “reactivate”.  At that time, we could theoretically be number one on the list, and the next referral will be ours.

The second part of this question is actually a bit offensive.  I have never hidden the fact that despite dealing with pregnancy loss, we do not have fertility issues.  Adoption is not our Plan B, or our back-up.  It’s part of our two-pronged Plan A, and always has been.  Our family would not be complete without this child.  She is growing in my heart every day, and we are completely emotionally invested.  There is no possible scenario that would lead us to abandon our adoption plan.

That’s what we’ve been up to so far in 2013!   I hope to get back on a more regular blogging schedule, at least with monthly updates once we get on that list.  Family, friends and readers, keep the questions coming :)

 

Dec5

Save the Adoption Tax Credit!

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Support HR 4373 and S 3616: Help make adoption affordable; keep the tax credit and make it refundable.

Help make Adoption Affordable

The average cost to adopt a child is any where from $25k- $35k or more. Currently, The 2012 Tax Credit is not refundable for adoptions initiated after 2011, which means a large number of families are/were not able to get any of the $25k- $35k back and possibly prevent people from adopting a child at all.

In 2013 it will revert back to a maximum tax credit of $6,000 for parents adopting children with special needs only and there will be no adoption tax credit available in tax year 2013.

We are petitioning to make the adoption tax credit permanent and refundable, so that more money is available to families allowing them provide a financially stable home to the adopted child.

Currently, there are two bills HR 4373 and S3616 that support this petition. You can sign the petition HERE.

Dec5

The Why (Part II)

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There will be a part III to this post, but for now, I just wanted to post some quotes that have been on my mind. :)

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” ~John 14:18

“I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, To put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die discover that I had not lived.” ~Henry David Thoreau

“We came for salvation
We came for family
We came for all that’s good that’s how we’ll walk away
We came to break the bad
We came to cheer the sad
We came to leave behind the world a better way” ~Salvation Song, The Avett Brothers

“Not flesh of my flesh nor bone of my bone, but still miraculously my own; Never forget for a single minute, you didn’t grow under my heart but in it.” ~Adoption Creed

“The call of orphan care is not a call to simply “save the orphan”. The call of orphan care is to share in the suffering of the orphan. It’s to intentionally position yourself, your family, your community, to suffer alongside the orphan. To say, ‘Your suffering, is now my suffering. Your story, is now my story. I willingly position myself to suffer alongside you.’” ~Aaron Ivey

“Love arrives safely with suitcase in tow.
Carrying with her the good things we know.
A reason to live and a reason to grow.
To trust. To hope. To care.” ~The Ballad of Love and Hate, The Avett Brothers

“I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.” ~ Helen Keller

“Love Makes A Family” ~unknown

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Nov27

Ethiopia 101

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Since we won’t have any real updates on our process until we meet with our social worker on Friday, I thought I’d share some fun facts about Ethiopia!

- Ethiopia is officially known as the “Federal Democratic Republic of Ethiopia”.

- It is located on the Horn of Africa, and is the worlds most populous landlocked country.

- The capital is Addis Ababa.

- The country is considered to be the spiritual homeland of the Rastafari movement.

- Ethiopia is one of the oldest sites of human existence. It’s thought to be the region from which people first headed for the Middle East and beyond.

- Although many languages are spoken there, it’s official language is “Amharic”. (pronounced Em/Am-Har-Ick)

- Ethiopia is a federal parliamentary republic, with both a president and a prime minister.

- Most Ethiopians are Christians, and a third are Muslim.

source

- Ethiopia has over 100,000 orphans in the city of Addis Ababa and more than 5 million in the country, and about 800,000 of them are AIDS orphans.

- Of every 1000 children born alive, 123 die before the age of five.

- Ethiopia’s annual health budget is around $140 million, but what is needed to take care of the orphans is $115 million a month.

source

- In 2011, 1732 Ethiopian children were adopted by Americans. In 2010, the number was 2511.

- Of the total Ethiopian adoptions counted so far in 2011, the majority of the children were 1-2 years old, followed by infants under 1 year.

- Most of the children adopted in 2011 were boys.

source

- Over 85 percent of Ethiopian women reside in rural areas, where peasant families are engaged primarily in subsistence agriculture. Rural women are integrated into the rural economy, which is basically labor intensive and which exacts a heavy physical toll on all, including children.

- Female genital mutilation is also practiced by many of the ethnic groups.

- Marriage by abduction accounts for 69% of the nation’s marriages, with around 80% in the largest region, and as high as 92% in the Southern Nations, Nationalities, and People’s Region.

source

Nov13

Accepted!

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We have been officially accepted by our home study and our placement agency!  I’m absolutely thrilled.  We have a long way to go, but this feels like a great big step.   Next, we meet with our social worker on December 15th, and start to work on our home study and dossier.  Baby girl, we’re on our way!